Expecting a raise despite the fact that I do absolutely nothing at work. PGP.

The sun caused me to get into a wreck this morning because I’m too fucking cheap to afford new sunglasses. PGP.

I went bowling last night by myself and I actually enjoyed it. PGP.

My pee is always dark yellow. PGP.

The first and the last hour of each day is wasted on nonsense internet browsing. PGP.

My PGP submission is currently live. Me, not so much. PGP.

Tinder on toilet. Tinder in traffic. PGP.

My company charges our clients 5 times the amount that they pay me. PGP.

I don’t piss excellence in the morning. I piss dark roast. PGP.

I had a dad bod before it was cool. PGP.