Getting a “Your account balance fell below $25 dollars” email twice in the same week. PGP.

I’ve been using my using my old roommate’s Netflix account for 5 years. PGP.

Actual note on the break room fridge: “Do not haze the interns, this isn’t college and they aren’t pledges.” PGP.

Everyone is getting married and having kids. I’m just like “I bought a new toaster with a bagel setting.” PGP.