The only useful skill I’ve acquired at my job of two and a half years is learning how to spin my pen with my left hand. PGP.

Intentionally avoiding the cute teller at the bank, because you don’t want her to see your account balance. PGP.

Participating in the company blood drive only to duck out of work for a few hours. PGP.

Attempting to go for a run, but becoming so disconcerted halfway in that you find a Car2Go and drive home. PGP.

Actually having to check the expiration date on condoms before using them. PGP.

Spending 20 minutes trying find your car in the parking lot before remembering that you took public transit to work. PGP.

The deep self-loathing that occurs when you actually run out of notches on your belt. PGP.

Bringing your gym bag to work with absolutely no intention whatsoever of going to the gym after work. PGP.

When the only pet you have is a plant in the office, and you can’t even take care of that. PGP.