We folks in New York City have a lot going for us. We’ve got the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Di Fara Pizza, Brooklyn Bagels, sports teams that release super cheap seats after they inevitably shit the bed, and an airport that the vice president compared to a “third world country.” We’ve got it all. Well, except for the greatest fast food chicken restaurant of all time: Chick-fil-A.
Southern transplants as well as waffle fry and poultry aficionados (such as myself) can’t get their hands on those delectable sandwiches and fries, and there’s no way in hell they’re getting those fantastic chicken breakfast biscuits — until this summer, that is. Our prayers have been answered, folks. Chick-fil-A is coming to the Big Apple.
And it’s not just opening up a tiny little location as a trial run for more stores. Oh, no. That’s not the Chick-fil-A way. It’s opening a three-story, 5,000-square-foot location right smack dab at Sixth Avenue and 37th Street, and it’s blowing the doors wide open to peddle its juicy, crisp chicken sandwiches to the masses. This is gonna be huge, you bastards. HUGE!
Here’s what the location is going to look like, according to Crain’s New York:
Before you ask if we heathens in New York will taint the sanctity of CFA, no, the New York restaurant will not be open on Sundays, just like any other location. That’s gonna make paying the rent even more expensive, as it’s $450 per square foot on the ground floor. Clearly, CFA does not give a single fuck, and it recognizes that for six days out of the week, it’ll be making money hand over fist.
“[Chick-fil-A] believes in doing everything with integrity, and that really comes across,” said Michael Cohen, the owner of the Sixth Avenue space who will soon find himself rolling around in piles of poultry money.
Granted, Chick-fil-A does have a presence in New York City, in the form of a small outpost in the Food Hall at New York University, but, pardon the pun, that’s chickenshit. This isn’t gonna be some ramshackle setup in a food court, nor will it be some bullshit in Paramus, N.J., which is where the closest CFA to the city is located, some 15 miles away. There will be 10 registers, 80 seats, and a shitload of chicken sandwiches and waffle fries sold.
Expect lines around the block for weeks, and for damn good reason. I’ll be there with bells on..
[via Crain’s New York]
Image via Paul Brennan / Shutterstock.com
When I bite into a Chick-fil-A sandwich. I always savor that tender taste of warm chicken, along with a rich texture taste of conservatism. It’s like there’s an American Flag thrashing behind me. Kinda like in the movies.
And Christian beliefs. The only thing that comes close is In-N-Out. God Bless Chick-fil-A
Wataburger sure comes close… if you’ve had the pleasure.
Sadly I live in Memphis. I’d rather have any of those franchises rather than the BBQ here. Not enough Chick-fil-A’s here.
If elected I will make it my duty to convince Chick-Fil-A to open on Sunday. No more will we have to suffer through a Sunday hangover without the delicious chicken biscuits or spicy chicken sandwiches. Remember, a #VoteForShibby is a vote for Chick-Fil-A Sundays.
I will be there on opening day.
Zaxbys is better
Look, I hear what you are saying. You’re dead fucking wrong, but we all hear you.
Please tell me your excuse is you haven’t yet had an opportunity in your life to eat this anti-libertarian Christ sandwich.