You all know how I feel about the MLB snack game. You’ve heard it all from me this season. The Diamondbacks are rocking the Churro Dog, the Texas Rangers have an All-Bacon concession stand AND an All-Fried Food concession stand. Shit, even minor league teams are getting into the mix with the Wilmington Blue Rocks Doughnut Dog. An arms race in Major League concession snacks is one of the many things that makes this country great, and only serves to benefit our stomachs, and our cardiologists’ revenue streams. I mean, Dr. Fierstein has to detail his boat. It’s kind of my job to help him out, right?

But the latest entry from the Minnesota Twins’ Hrbek’s Pub gives me…slight pause. And by pause, I mean even I might not be able to stomach this one. It’s called the “College Daze Bloody Mary”, and it’s…well, you take a look.

Yeah. That’s a Bloody Mary, garnished with a slice of Pepperoni pizza, for some godforsaken reason. Here’s the official description:

“This Bloody Mary will bring back the memories (or not)! This cool Bloody Mary gets a cold slice of Pepperoni Pizza which is just what you need with a Bloody Mary! If that wasn’t enough you also get all the other fixings! Beef Stick, Pepper Jack and Cheddar Cheese Cubes, Pepperoncini, Olive, Celery, & a Pickle Spear. Served with a Bud Light Beer Back.”

Well, I guess that’s one way to try and pack people into the bar named after former Minnesota Twins first baseman Kent Hrbek, but unlike the other MLB concession items mentioned above, I’m not quite sure this one’s gonna sell like hotcakes.

Putting my typical, whiny, New York pizza snobbishness aside, we all love pizza. I fucking LOVE pizza. I like Bloody Marys. But I don’t think anyone was exactly clamoring to see them combined, and certainly not for the “bargain basement” price of $19. I understand what they’re going for, especially with the name. They’re trying to give the impression that this is some kind of college-themed “hangover cure.” However, I think that ingesting one of these bad boys might make me void the contents of my stomach all over Target Field, for reasons other than the Twins’ shitty pitching rotation. ZING! (Was that a zing? To be honest, I haven’t paid attention to the Twins’ roster in…well, my entire life.)

Well, Twins Fans and foodies alike, I guess if you want the “College Daze” cocktail, it’s here, but I’m not gonna give this one my seal of approval. $20 for cold, possibly day-old pizza, various meats and cheeses and a Bloody Mary? Hard pass. I’m a big pizza fan, but pizza doesn’t belong in your cocktails. It belongs on a plate, or folded up like a mystical paper airplane on a journey to the inside of your gullet. That’s the American way..

[via New York Daily News]