I’ve never heard of Find The Home before, but it seems like it’s a website that’s meant to help people who are shopping for new homes to purchase, a.k.a., people who are way ahead of me in life. They compiled a most hipster cities in America, and I decided to check it out so that I’d have a better idea of what places to avoid since I, like many, can’t fucking stand hipsters. As I clicked through the list, I started sweating, and may/may not have shed a tear, because at least five of the cities they named were places that I’ve actively considered moving to – some of them I still am.
Being a Jersey boy, I’ve always kinda liked Hoboken. It’s close to the city, has plenty of bars, and I could still say I live in my home state if I moved there. I always assumed I’d end up there eventually. Sure, I may not fit right in with all of the yuppies I thought lived there, but I’d deal… How the fuck is it the #1 hipster city in America?! Number fucking one?! Crushed doesn’t even begin to explain how this makes me feel.
Their findings are based on things like percentage of residents with bachelor’s degrees, yoga studios and cafes per capita. I thought to myself, “There’s nothing wrong with a bit of education and some flexibility.” And if it weren’t for cafes, how the hell would I get my caffeine fix? I actually NEED my coffee, because if I go without, I get crazy fucking headaches (apparently caffeine withdrawal actually happens). Once my train of thought got to this point, I nearly fucking puked on my keyboard.
Am I a fucking hipster?
I’ve spent so much time complaining about these fuckers taking over neighborhoods and pretending to be knowledgeable about pointless shit that I didn’t know I could be contributing to the fucking problem!
Like pretty much any group with a label, I’ve always said that the first rule of being a hipster is that you have to deny that you’re a hipster. The first step is admitting it, and hipsters never admit that shit. Sure, some shady friends of mine have thrown the term in my direction, but I never took it seriously, because I’m soooooo not a hipster.
Look, I really do enjoy the sound of music from my record player, and a lot of artists actually start to suck when they get really popular. I only have mason jars because I make kick ass hard cider, and how the hell else am I gonna share it with friends? You really can’t knock a festival until you’ve been to one, because they’re awesome. Going to a farmers’ market or a designated produce store can save you money, and help local businesses! PBR is cheap!!!!
I’m really uncomfortable with where this is going. Fuck it, I’m going to ride my beach cruiser around to clear my head..
Image via Shutterstock
Nonsense. The fact that Portland did not make the list completely invalidates it. There’s more to being a hipster than yoga and cafes, and Portland proves it.
When did getting a degree equate to being a hipster?
These rankings are awful if Hoboken is ranked #1…trust me, i live here. If you like guido bars and basic white people then this is your town.
These places are all home to or very near major universities. This list is completely invalid. Yoga studios and cafes generally cater to college students and/or very recent grads. Where are these college students going to be? Fucking college campuses, where all of these locations are.
I agree. College Station is not hipster at all, it’s just a town that is almost entirely comprised of Texas A&M students or people involved with the university. I mean their student body is referred to as “aggies”, or farmer’s essentially. Have you ever seen a hipster wear wranglers and chew tobacco? Because College Station would rank very high on a list like that.
College Station is the most possible opposite of a hipster town that there could ever be.
Not being a hipster. RFM.
The only way that Ames is #2 is if its ironic to lose to a 14 seed.
I happily went to UC Davis and now happily live in Santa Monica.. I’m afraid…
Lovely, I live in #4 and #6 is a couple blocks away. Also what is wrong with coffee…
Bloomington more hipster than Ann Arbor? Oh really? Ann Arbor is one of the most hippie campuses right next to anything in California. Weird list.
You’re a fucking hipster
Ahhhh yes, the annual list of cities I want to avoid like bubonic plague. Thanks for the heads up.