I don’t watch “House of Cards”. I’ve never even seen an episode. I have absolutely no idea what it’s about. Couldn’t even tell you what channel it’s on, or what night of the week it runs. Fight me, Internet.
It’s not like I would have to even turn on my television in order to get the general gist of what’s going on, anyway. You chatty Cathys on social media have that covered, don’t you? Every other tweet is “House of Cards” this, Frank Underwood that. Stop it. Just stop it.
What we’re witnessing is “Breaking Bad” syndrome all over again. I’ll explain. Is it a good show? I’m sure. I wouldn’t know. Again, I never watched “Breaking Bad”. Why? Because the last thing I want is to become one of you. You know who you are. I hate you, so, so much.
You’re the same people who took to social media each and every Sunday to tweet your expectations about a show starring some tweaked-out meth head. As it that weren’t enough, after the credits rolled, you graced us with your own personalized recap on the Zuckerberg network. And before “Breaking Bad”, it was “Mad Men”. And “The Sopranos”. And “Lost”.
You’re all addicts rummaging through the TV medicine cabinet, searching for a new dramatic buzz after your tolerance for its predecessor simply stops giving you that sweet, sweet fictional fix.
Trust me. As great as the view is, I hate being up here on this horse that’s higher than a Willie Nelson tour bus. I’m just worried about you.
Every tweet I see about “House of Cards” makes me want to avoid watching it that much more. Not only do I fear I’ll become one of those people I hate, but furthermore, I have a terrible phobia when it comes to being a bandwagon fan.
Here’s this show that apparently has been on for at least one other season. How does that reflect upon me if, all of the sudden, I started jumping into the pool with the rest of you Kool Aid drinkers? At this point, I’m pretty much stuck with only one remaining option: riding out the storm for however long this crap stays on TV, at least until this season is over, and then secretly firing up the ‘Flix. At which point, I’ll make the plunge if you’re all so lucky. I know you’re on pins and needles.
If it makes you feel better, “House of Cards” fans, it’s not you, it’s me. I’m at a pretty frantic point of my life right now. We’re talking job searching, learning to appreciate coffee, the whole shebang. You get what I’m saying? I need to focus on doing me right now. I’m just not ready for the level of commitment needed to start watching a new television show. And besides, it’s not like “House of Cards” stars Juan Pablo.
Maybe one day I’ll get right there with you on the “House of Cards” bandwagon. In the meantime, please shut the hell up about it.
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1. You have grossly overused and misused the term “bandwagon”. If something is great, a lot of people like it. Sheer volume of participants doesn’t qualify as “bandwagon”‘ at all. Like not even close. So you are wrong and it annoys the hell out of me.
2. When I was in 7th grade there were a group of overweight, unattractive, unpopular girls who wore black clothes and listened to “underground” music. They were just the coolest fucking kids on the planet. And as soon as one of their former favorite bands got the public recognition they deserved for putting out awesome content…it was cast away by this group of awful human beings. You are one of these girls.
3. Oh, wait…this is the internet. And you write columns for PGP in a satirical tone and I shouldn’t take anything you write seriously. Its all a joke, right? Well fuck you for writing such a stupid fucking article.
“Breaking Bad” and “House of Cards” are too mainstream for you, hipster?
I can understand not seeing an episode, but this…
“have absolutely no idea what it’s about. Couldn’t even tell you what channel it’s on, or what night of the week it runs.”
I bet you still use dial up.
So let me get this straight: You’ve never even tried watching the show but you hate it, you never watched Breaking Bad but you hate it, and you enjoy The Bachelor? GTFO.
You don’t have to, “secretly fire up the ‘Flix.” It’s a Netflix original series.
I bet you’re fun at parties.
I remember my first rant.
You don’t like shows because other people and are excited enough about the show quality to talk about it online? What hipster doublethink nonsense.
This guy/child should be banned from posting on here. This is not an opinion. It’s lunacy. It’s a hipster venting at something that’s ‘mainstream’