Having a negative bank balance. Ever heard of a savings account? Save 10 percent of every paycheck and watch that shit add up. Buy yourself something nice or never be broke. Your choice.
DUIs. You know what? Scratch that. Drunk driving in general. Get your shit together-you’re not 19 anymore.
Being rude to service industry workers. A cutting remark to a waitress who forgot your check might have gotten a laugh back in college, but there’s a golden rule when eating out: Don’t fuck with the people who handle your food. You don’t know what circumstances led to them getting stuck waiting tables.
Baby talking with your significant other. On behalf of people in adult relationships everywhere, let’s just cut that shit out right now.
Cheating. Your reputation will go from “run of the mill scumbag” in college to “life ruiner” once you hit your mid-20s.
Not speaking your mind. You took Sociology 101 sophomore year. You’re well-read. Speak up.
Going out in public in sweatpants.
Blaming things on your parents. It’s time to take off the diapers. You can afford therapy, even if it is just once every six months.
Not going to at least one black tie formal event every year.
Not having at least one television show you’re obsessed with.
Calling a person your spirit animal. An actual animal is supposed to be your spirit animal.
Not keeping in touch with your family. One call a week goes a long way.
Not voting. You might as well move to North Korea.
Sticking with a job you hate. Once you’ve built your résumé, start flirting and get into bed with another company that will suck your soul dry.
Not getting your hair cut twice a month. Good hair = good paycheck. That’s as consistent as gravity.
Crying in bars. No. Do not. You aren’t allowed to anymore.
Hating the city you live in. Again, you’re an adult with real world experience. Uproot and head for greener pastures if you aren’t happy.
Not moving your body. It’s tempting to plant your ass on the couch after work and sleep in until 8 a.m. every day, but just move. Endorphins, baby.
Not investing. It’s free. Fucking. Money.
Getting rid of your dinosaur.
Using your parents. It’s fine if you have to move back in with Mom and Dad. Shit happens. It’s not okay to move back in and not contribute. Go to the store, play with your younger siblings, and just make life easier for them in general. You might start understanding their actual struggles as opposed to your not real struggles.
Hating people for getting married and having kids. This is the real world, and you can’t just go around hating people for doing completely normal shit. Well, at least just wait until their engagement photos go up on Facebook. I actively root against people who have awful engagement photos.
Getting back together with an ex who fucked you over. This one explains itself. Nothing is more pathetic. People rarely change.
Entering into a “slut phase.” You get a slut phase during college and the two years after. Play the card now if you haven’t already.
Letting anonymous Internet listicle authors tell you how to live your life. Tell me to go fuck myself in the comments. Please, God. I just want to feel something. I hope you were able to get this far. Disregard everything I’ve told you. It’s beautiful outside, so go get drunk and max out your credit cards on an online shopping spree, watch Netflix by yourself, and get some strange ass. You’re in your fucking 20s.
Signed up to call out the dude named after someone with a ridiculously famous and well kept haircut complaining about regular hair maintenance. Whats the deal, guy?
The way I see it, these are like monthly goals at a new job. Initially you’ll be held accountable for only some of them, with the percentage ramping up gradually until you hit 25. If you’re still getting DUIs and being a dick to service industry workers at 23 you probably need to reevaluate your life. Working a job you hate on the other hand, probably passable.
Maybe I overstated with the “black suit” as it is a personal preference of mine. But having a suit, at least altered to fit, if not tailored, is a must. Remember gents, a well tailored suit is to women as lingerie is to men.
You need one black, one navy, one charcoal/grey. Minimum. If you want to be bold and throw in tan, so be it. Look like you have a degree and aren’t a bum.
While most of what’s on this list is mildly entertaining and somewhat clever, Number 3 is true, but also rather insulting toward the end to the service industry. For your information and from personal experience, a rude or smart ass remark from a customer isn’t what’s bothersome. Whether your 25 or not, I [and others in the same industry] can handle an attitude and MAYBE even a rude comment, because I[we] know that while they feel satisfied belittling someone waiting on them, I[we] feel satisfied knowing that I am making more feel just as satisfied knowing that 9 times out of 10 I[we] make more money in a day, week, month than those said people. If one were to spend their time doing a study on how many people have a college degree and are still waiting tables [because they are making more money than their 9-5 desk job, or teaching gig they spent over $30,000 on would pay] they would probably find that it’s at least 1/2 of the industry. What’s actually more bothersome is ignorant posts like this one claiming that one is “stuck waiting tables in the first place” when in fact there’s potential to make upwards of 35,000, 70,000, 80,000 and even 90,000 while “stuck” waiting tables. And that’s probably more than you are making, sitting in a chair typing up dumb ass columns like this one
Go fuck yourself.
I can dig this.
Who the fuck gets their haircut every two weeks?
Your hair is your head suit.
Oh, I like that.
using this…
Signed up to call out the dude named after someone with a ridiculously famous and well kept haircut complaining about regular hair maintenance. Whats the deal, guy?
Two weeks might be pushing it
I’m gonna go get some strange ass.
I’m 23, so I’m good for being guilty of all of these right?
The way I see it, these are like monthly goals at a new job. Initially you’ll be held accountable for only some of them, with the percentage ramping up gradually until you hit 25. If you’re still getting DUIs and being a dick to service industry workers at 23 you probably need to reevaluate your life. Working a job you hate on the other hand, probably passable.
This ties into #9. By 25 you should have at least one tailored suit if you are a man. Preferably black should you need to pay final respects.
Black? Maybe if you’re out chasing down aliens with Agent K. Navy and grey are the way to go
Maybe I overstated with the “black suit” as it is a personal preference of mine. But having a suit, at least altered to fit, if not tailored, is a must. Remember gents, a well tailored suit is to women as lingerie is to men.
You need one black, one navy, one charcoal/grey. Minimum. If you want to be bold and throw in tan, so be it. Look like you have a degree and aren’t a bum.
Absolutely not. There is no reason to own one. I can pay my respects perfectly fine without blowing a bunch of money.
Said the McDonalds employee.
Logic has no place around here; everyone is too busy making themselves look rich on the internet!
what do you mean by investing? like a 401k or stocks on your own… big difference
Ah the listicle, my old nemesis. We meet again
They pay the bills. Just ignore them.
I respect the fuck out of you for admitting that
While most of what’s on this list is mildly entertaining and somewhat clever, Number 3 is true, but also rather insulting toward the end to the service industry. For your information and from personal experience, a rude or smart ass remark from a customer isn’t what’s bothersome. Whether your 25 or not, I [and others in the same industry] can handle an attitude and MAYBE even a rude comment, because I[we] know that while they feel satisfied belittling someone waiting on them, I[we] feel satisfied knowing that I am making more feel just as satisfied knowing that 9 times out of 10 I[we] make more money in a day, week, month than those said people. If one were to spend their time doing a study on how many people have a college degree and are still waiting tables [because they are making more money than their 9-5 desk job, or teaching gig they spent over $30,000 on would pay] they would probably find that it’s at least 1/2 of the industry. What’s actually more bothersome is ignorant posts like this one claiming that one is “stuck waiting tables in the first place” when in fact there’s potential to make upwards of 35,000, 70,000, 80,000 and even 90,000 while “stuck” waiting tables. And that’s probably more than you are making, sitting in a chair typing up dumb ass columns like this one
Fuck #10
Ooooooops #24