Life in the fast lane can cost you. Literally.
- Blame love: “I’m late for my dad’s third wedding!”
- Pull a Dillon: ”I shit my pants.”
- Blame genetics: “I was born with an actual lead foot, sir.”
- Make an outrageous claim: “I’m filming Fast & Furious 8.”
- Make 80′s pop culture references: “KITT has a mind of his own, you know how it is.”
- And again: “I’m headed back to the future, care to join me?” or “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads…”
- Blame your nonexistent newborn: “The little rascal is teething, I haven’t slept in weeks.”
- Pull out the pathetic card: “My boss threatened to fire me if I was late again.”
- Throw him some scratch: “Here’s 10 bucks, lunch is on me, pal.”
- Grab your crotch and squirm: “I’m about to piss my pants!”
- Play to his ego by throwing a Hail Mary: “Has anyone ever told you you’re a dead ringer for Brad Pitt?”
- Full on sob: “I’m-m-m sor-sorry I d-d-don’t mean to c-cr-cry.”
- Show some skin: “One moment officer, I know my proof of insurance is in here somewhere.” *reaches into cleavage*
- Start singing the Bobby Valentino verse of Lil Wayne’s Mrs. Officer: “..maybe you can lock me up and throw away the key, call your sergeant and tell him you can’t finish your shift, cause it’s on tonight. Breakfast in bed turns into breakfast & head..”
- Ask her out: “Listen ma’am, whatdya say we cruise down to the Outback Steakhouse and discuss my driving over a Bloomin’ Onion and some drinks. My treat.”
- Plead ignorance: “I thought the sign back there said the speed limit was 90?”
- Make it known you’re broke as a joke: “I respect what you have to do, but I can’t even afford milk right now, let alone a speeding ticket.”
- Pacify the cop with empty promises: “It won’t happen again, I swear on Kate Upton’s rack I will obey all traffic laws for the rest of my life.”
- Burden them with a horrific life story: “My girlfriend, who I just found out is my half sister, is sleeping with my boss, who is my adoptive dad! Can’t I catch a break?!”
- Be a patriot about it: “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”
Have boobs is suspiciously absent
Im sorry…. I didn’t know I couldn’t do that.
Could always pull the old being attacked by a swarm of killer invisible bees. Classic Tommy Boy.
#1. I’m sorry officer, I didn’t realize I was going that fast. I know it probably doesn’t matter in this situation, but my dad is also a police officer and said that I should politely present this PBA card. Haha yeah, I couldn’t get away with anything as a kid. Thanks again officer, I’ll be sure to drive more carefully.
Always drive with a Krispy Kreme donut within arm’s reach.
Here are ones that don’t work:
Again? I’ve already signed over a week’s paycheck to you assholes and another two weeks’ to my lawyer. In other words, CAN I GET A FUCKING BREAK!?
Honest officer, I had one case of bud light with dinner. It’s 4-2 beer and I didn’t realize it would affect me like this only 3 years after college.
Can you at least let me take a pee before you run my license, I would hate to inconvenience you with cleaning the back of your patrol unit?
I’m a firefighter.
The cop will probably look at you like you’re a retard for the 2nd one. Might even polite enough to correct you by saying “You mean 3.2% beer?”
this^^
Weight vs volume, 3.2 by weight (4% ABV) is only available in some states, for those of us not living in communist Utah, light beer is 4.2% ABV.
I don’t live in Utah. Light beer can be be a whole range of ABV. However no one in their right fucking mind refers to any type of beer as 4-2 beer. It has been and always will be 3.2% beer. There is a reason for this, and it’s a historical one.
As much as I hate to cite wikipedia, you’re an idiot and I’m feeling lazy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Low-alcohol_beer#Low-point_beer_.283.2.25.29
Something about you just pisses me off
I’m surprised you went conservative with “something,” as if it really isn’t everything.
Hahaha. Oh, my.