We all know there are some people who just shouldn’t ever be in a relationship, because they do things like dance on tables and day drink during work. But then there are those people who have their lives together enough to settle down, but are still too terrified of not drinking for nine months to have a kid. Everyone else is stuck in this weird 20-something phase where we’re definitely in a relationship, but not quite ready to tie the knot. It’s like you’re responsible enough to keep a relationship going, but too irresponsible to actually act like a real adult. I’m stuck in that category for at least the next three years. Here are twenty signs that you are too:

1. The thought of picking out every single detail of a wedding stresses you out. Who cares what kind of flowers there are?
2. You don’t even know how to cook for two people. In fact, you still consider Spaghetti O’s with butter bread a gourmet meal.
3. Marriage is “until death do you part” and you really don’t know that you can stand living with one person for the rest of your life. In fact, you’ve hated all of your previous roommates.
4. The only matching glasses in your cabinet are the two you stole from Chili’s last week.
5. Your mattress is still sitting on the floor. No box spring. No bed frame. Just a mattress.
6. You want to scream at your grandma when she asks “Am I ever going to see you get married before I die?” Probably not, Grams. Sorry.
7. You haven’t even been able to compromise on the kind of toothpaste to buy. Like, I’m really sorry that Crest 3D White hurts your teeth, but I don’t know why I should have to suffer.
8. The futon you used in college is still the only piece of furniture in your living room.
9. Insurance already costs too much – no need to give them more money by adding a spouse.
10. You don’t want to have to fold his boxers for the rest of your life. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
11. Weddings are expensive. So is divorce. And Nelnet still likes to remind you at you owe more than $60K in student loans, as if you weren’t aware.
12. You haven’t moved in together because neither one of you are willing to buy a dining room table.
13. Actually taking the time to make your Pinterest dream wedding a reality seems like a lot of work.
14. You can’t even afford a decent hotel room for a night, let alone a honeymoon.
15. You have arguments about how to raise your cat because he doesn’t think that playing “dizzy kitty” is animal abuse. You don’t even want to know what he would do to your child.
16. What hers is hers and what’s mine is hers doesn’t appeal to you, at least not yet.
17. You don’t have enough friends to make up a wedding party. And the friends you do have are too poor to afford the $450 bridesmaid dress you want them to buy.
18. You think her father might shoot you if you ask for his blessing to propose.
19. Getting skinny to fit in your wedding dress would be too hard. You don’t have the willpower to say no to Chipotle three times a week.
20. The engagement ring would be embarrassingly small.